Going through a humans wallet can teach you more than you want to learn. Today I went through my friend Joe's wallet at school, with the innocent intent of taking his pupil ID card. That was when I realised I was a terrible person. Can I call myself that? Or is it a human, or humane term? He had an Australian blood donor card, which I was tempted into reading. 7 words forever burned into my memory, reminding me of what unthinkable crime I nearly committed.
I do something special.
I give blood.
Ironic that I would come across this only the day after I asked Lily to steal donations.
Joe bragged that his donation could help to save 3 lives. 3. That was when it hit me. Peter killed one human, drawing enough blood to last him two weeks. With every donation I was prepared to devour, I would be stealing the lives of three, with enough blood to last only several days. Am I really any better than him?
I was visibly upset upon this realisation, and left Joe, though he isn't one to notice much. Lisa, on the other hand, watched me like a hawk. Now sitting in the library pretending to read a book on a cushioned chair, I felt the slight depression in the seat as someone sat down next to me. I continued reading. Lisa remained there for a moment, before aiming her body at me and asking what was wrong. I pretended to be surprised at her prescence and engaged in conversation. Sometimes I wish I had someone to vent too. I couldn't just blurt out that I have a desire to drink blood, and nor could I consult Rosalie. Not just because she wasn't there, but because Rosalie often has tribulations to battle, and I didn't want to risk bringing my only true friend down.
But the conversation between me and Lisa continued. She didn't prod, which was wise, but rather changed the subject resulting in humorous talks of irrelevent factors of life. It felt good to laugh. So much better then letting Rosalie pour her problems, only to upset me simultaneously.
Lisa is one reason I wish I was human. If I were, I would fight to spend every moment with her, maybe even get married. Typical fantasy. But I'm not going down that road again. And I've already come close.
The sleepout, World Youth Day 08. In the frost of Randwick racecourse, students began huddling together for warmth. I was lying next to Lisa, and felt her soft, delicate lips press gently against my cheek, before a slow, hesitated withdrawel. My emotions went crazy, my mind began spinning, and before I knew it, my lips chased hers, and met. The following day, I came to my senses, and told her we couldn't be together. Typical human excuse, I've had a bad experience in a relationship. But I was telling the truth.
I will not go out with Lisa. As much as I want it deep inside, I can't risk a relationship with a human. You humans don't realise what you have. You can find someone and be with them. For me, there are too few partners for me to find one I would want to be with. Maybe I have too high expectations for a vampire.
13th August reveals how inhumane I really am, and that I have to watch as the only human I have genuine affection for lusts for me (I doubt it would be love) without being able to kiss those lips again. How I hurt her from World Youth day, leading her on proves I'm not only inhumane, but heartless.
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Chase, you're more human or humane then every human I've met man. You feel guilt when you feed. Humans don't. How was salmon? Did you enjoy that ham sandwich? the salad greens were fresh from the garden today. You look into to eyes and soul of your food. They just say "what's for dessert?" mmm fresh berries, my favorite.
ReplyDeletethey take life with a smile. I get to watch others full of energy suddenly get tired. when I'm around. I live alone and don't out much.
try to enjoy dinner man. the humans do it.
I enjoy human foods just as they do. Maybe I didn't make clear that we live of both blood and human food (blood doesn't boast a perfect diet). But when it comes to human food, I'm just like them.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed pasta tonight.
sorry Chase I think I might have said my thing wrong. I understand the blood part, I remember you saying you also comsume meat and and plants. I just assumed it because of the fiber and minerals and other crap humans get from our food and your body is similar to such a degree you also need more then a liquid diet.
ReplyDeleteI just meant humans would eat the steak and not care in the least that yeasterday it was a living cow or a living plant. I feel bad and or sad when I eat the steak. as much as you feel sad when you eat your food. I wasnt mocking your species. I hope I said it right this time. stay safe man. humans are heartless animals, mostly. some do look great tho :D
here here =]
ReplyDeleteChase, I really don't mean to be rude and so far I have read and kept a completely open mind (mostly because I have met another person who has a lot of similarities with you). However, so far, there are a lot of red flags that make me not be able to believe you. First of all, in your first post you talked about how vampires are smarter than humans. Yet after only reading 4 of your posts I have found multiple spelling errors and wonder if you know how to properly use the words to, too, and two. What also made me slightly skeptical was the use of the name Rosalie. It is not a very popular name but also shows up in the Twilight series. Again, I am not trying to be rude but these red flags are hard for me to ignore.
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